Circumstances- Why is it that my best ideas come to me at the most odd times? It’s currently 2:37 AM as I’m writing this, but I felt like I had too much in my brain to sleep, so here I am.
Living in day-to-day life, we encounter lots of difficult circumstances every day, and if we’re being honest, it can be hard not to let the circumstances around us control our thoughts or what kind of day we have. This last Thursday, I had an extremely difficult day filled with lots of unfortunate circumstances, and it seemed like anything that could possibly go wrong was going to. However, there is always a lesson to be learned, so keep reading to find out what I learned from all of this.
To start with, on Tuesdays and Thursdays, I have a class that starts at 7:50, so that particular day, I woke up at 7, looked at my clock, and told myself, “I’m just going to lay here for ten more minutes”, and then I ended up falling asleep for the next hour and a half and so, I completely missed my 7:50 class. I looked outside my window, and it was pouring down rain, which didn’t make me want to get out of bed. Regardless, I got up and went to my Algebra class. During that class, we jumped around a lot through a lot of different things, and it honestly left me feeling as if I was not smart enough to understand the material or pass the class, for that matter, so I was kind of upset at myself for that. Right after my algebra class, I had a campus tour that I was leading. The particular group I was leading that day was a group of freshmen in high school. If you didn’t know, freshmen in high school who are coming to tour a college are NOT interested in actually learning anything, but instead, more focused on the fact that they are getting a day off of school and that they hardly have to do anything. So, as I was doing my tour, it became increasingly obvious that they could care less about anything I had to say. They were kind of acting rude and disrespectful, and the chaperone that was with them didn’t seem bothered by it at all, so I felt like I was talking to a brick wall, which left me feeling even more frustrated.
So, after my tour, I returned to my dorm and laid down for a few minutes, worked on some homework, and relaxed for a few minutes before heading off to my 1:40 philosophy class. I was on my way to that class when I slid on the wet sidewalk and fell on my knees. It hurt, and I was frustrated that I would be late for my class because I had fallen. So I got up and was on my way when, suddenly, one of the zippers on my backpack sprung open, and a lot of my stuff fell all over the sidewalk. At this point, I was almost in tears because I was so frustrated that everything was going wrong that possibly could. I went to philosophy class and struggled to pay attention because all I could think about was everything that had gone wrong in the day and how much of it was my fault (or so I thought). I don’t know if it’s this way for everybody, but for me personally, when things go wrong, I tend to blame myself first before thinking about anything else that could have possibly caused those things to go wrong. As I was sitting in my philosophy class, I was thinking to myself, “I can’t believe I’m so clumsy and I tripped and fell,” and “I should have double-checked my zippers before I left for class, and maybe my stuff wouldn’t have fallen”.
That night, I really struggled mentally. I really felt like I was such a screw-up and that my life was useless. I honesty cried and was just very upset. I talked to some of my extended family, went to awaken (a chapel service on campus on Thursday evenings), and then went and spent some time reflecting in the prayer chapel. These last two days have been much better, but I’ve definitely spent some time reflecting on Thursday and what I wanted to take away from it and it’s 2 things.
(1)- I keep going back to the fact that EVERYTHING happens for a purpose. I’ve tried extra hard this year to slow myself down and not try and do anything and everything just because I can. Although I’ve tried to prioritize rest, I still find myself running from place to place and having a very busy schedule, being a full-time student with two part-time jobs and an active social life. I can’t help but wonder if my backpack coming open or me tripping and falling was God’s way of telling me I needed to slow down. I’ve taken time this weekend just to do that. Today, I slept in, laid around and didn’t do much, and then spent some time with my friends and went for a walk in the beautiful weather we had here in Indiana today. It’s really made me re-align my priorities and make me realize the importance of just slowing down and resting. It also made me realize how amazing my support system really is. I have the most amazing group of people around me supporting me and reminding me of the simple truths when I need to hear it.
(2)- I’ve really started to process more of things that are IN my control and things that are out of my control. So, me being late for class, IN my control. I should have left a little earlier just in case something DID happen like it did, but instead, I waited until the last possible second to leave, resulting in me being late. Slipping and Falling and my Backpack coming open, out of my control. Those kinds of things could happen to anybody (and they do), and it wasn’t my fault that those things happened.
It really is amazing to me to see the way God teaches me things through my everyday life experiences. I think it really is important to take time to process things when things get a little rough because as I mentioned earlier, there’s a purpose for everything. I’m so grateful to get to serve a God who loves me and loves each and every one of you! Hope you all have a great week!